Philadelphia Metropolis


Eagles' Fan Shame

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By Peter Kerr

As a Philadelphia Eagles fan, I find myself in a bit of funk. (No surprise there.)

Is my problem with McNabb?  With Andy Reid?  With the pass-happy offense?  No, my problem is not with the team.  My problem is with the fans.

I'm living a conundrum: I am an Eagles fan, yet I can't stand Eagles fans.

Let me be clear:  I'm not one of them. 

By that I mean I am not one of the loud, boorish, half-drunk jerks who populate the stands, screaming phrases that rhyme with "You Ducking Sock-Mucker!" while young fans and families sit nearby, being forced to soak it all in.

These jerks certainly aren't the majority of people who go to the games. But they're louder than the rest, and if the NFL and the Eagles truly want to advertise these games as "Family Events," these people need to be muzzled or something stronger.

I don't want to sound prissy about this. I'm not easily offended.  I don't have a problem with 75,000 voices uniting in one, great, common "Sucks!" as each member of the opposing team is announced.  I don't even mind the chants of "A**hole!" when the referee makes a questionable call.

But, after attending an Eagles-Broncos game at the Linc on December 27th, for the first time that I can remember, I wished Troy Aikman was my commentator instead of the classless moron who watched the game behind me.

            McNabb throws an incomplete pass on 1st and 10.

Moron:  What the DUCK are you doing, McNabb?!  You MAGGOT!

            LeSean McCoy runs for 3 yards.

Moron:  Oh my God this team is full of WUSSIES!  What was that?!

            McNabb throws another incomplete pass on 3rd and 7.  Eagles have to punt.

Moron:  Oh c'mon!  DUCK you, Eagles!  This DUCKING team sucks so DUCKING bad.  What kind of DUCKING play-call was that?  Reid, you DUCKING moron!  DUCKING SOCK-MUCKERS. You're an embarrassment!

I paid $50 for standing-room-only tickets to the game. I'm on the stair landing right below the round, scrolling sign behind the end zone.  I understand I'm not in a suite -- where presumably the fans are calmer?  I wouldn't don't know --  but I can't enjoy the game, because the part of me that cares is only thinking about the drunk lunatic behind me and the two seven-year-olds who are sitting by my feet, easily within earshot of his rants. (But then again, so was half of South Philly).   Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Eagles Fan Moron.jpg        

This is their first Eagle's game ever, their Mom and Dad tell me.  In fact, the couple who has brought their kids to their first Eagles game, wearing green jerseys and oversized midnight green helmets, are so nice that after I move to the side so their kids can scoot up against the railing, they buy me two Papa John's personal pizzas.

And they have to put up with this?

But, wait, it gets worse.

Now a guy in a Yankee's hat comes marching up the stairs. The fans let him have it, yelling "A**hole!" and "Go back to New York!"  The Yankees fan smiles and holds his hand up to collect the taunts, moving up the stairs quickly until another Eagle's fan throws a shoulder into him.

The smile is gone now.  The Yankees fan keeps walking up the stairs, but backwards, glaring at the half-drunk Eagles fan who wants to start a fight.

"You want to start something?" the Yankees guy says.

"C'mon, bring it!" replies Eagles fan.

There are stadium security people watching this unfold but they do not move.  In fact, they look scared.

"Why don't you come up here, b***h!" says the Yankees fan.

The Eagles fan looks up momentarily then turns away. He was all bluster.

Again, all I can think about are the two kids sitting next to me.  I'm glad both the Eagles and the Yankees fan weren't stupid enough to start a fight in front of security on a stairwell, but if one punch was thrown I wouldn't be surprised if that Yankees fan was tossed over the railing.

So, this is the problem. I'm a huge Eagles fan. The family next to me are huge Eagles fans, and they're decent people.  But the hordes of drunks who lash out with ridiculous language, pelt their own team with snowballs and stupidly incite physical violence, well...

I doubt they'd even be able to spell conundrum.


Peter Kerr roots for the Eagles from his home in Coopersburg, Pa.

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