How I Ended up in Philly

By Juan Seguel

I will try to keep it short and get to the point. I don't get women and I put too much time and effort into it. Way too much. So much that I end up traveling half the world - not once, but twice - and started living here in Philadelphia, despite the fact that I'm from Chile. Maybe I need to start from the beginning.

I'm 26 now and I studied economics for seven years back in my hometown. I had a couple of relationship during those years (one for four years and other for just a few months). Even though I was committed both times, I never really thought that any of them would be the girl of my life. I know, I'm a jerk but for me that was a good reason to end them.

Then, about three years ago, just when I start working, I met the woman of my dreams. Her name was Alicia. She is also into economics research and we happened to live really close. She was funny, smart, and confident and liked good food (maybe this is her biggest quality). We had a really good thing going on but here was the catch: She was already applying to start her PhD in economics in Philadelphia while I was planning a big career change to become a chef. Yes, with the white coat, the toque and everything else. Not only that, but I wanted to study in the best place in the world for chefs, France.

Well, sooner than later problems started. The more fun we had, the bigger the life planning became an issue. We should have been able to make plans together where each gave up a little bit, but we were both seriously stubborn and had commitment and abandonment issues (Dad, thanks for that). So we started this on/off phase in our relationship and that was mistake No. 1: Girls are never off.

I know I'm jerk for even kissing another girl, but come on! I was really thinking that we were over. Anyway, things kept that way until the day finally arrived: she got into a program here in Philly. Alicia was leaving Chile and it was time to say good bye and time for mistake No. 2: She wanted me to propose a long-distance relationship and I did not say anything. In my defense, she wanted me to, but never said a word. Either did I. She just stood there and then took the plane.

After that I started to see other girl, a really nice neighbor that I had strong chemistry with. Things were going well but I don't know why Alicia, this love of my life carved so hard into me that I really couldn't get her out of my system.

Now, I made mistake No.3. I changed all my plans decided to move and study inb Philadelphia to be with her. I should have realized that by this time she was also moving away from me. Not that she was with some guy but emotionally moving away. So after a few months and a couple of not-so-good talks I arrived into the U.S.

Since I was planning to study again, I had decided to take my last big vacation in Europe for a month (I love to travel), so I was going to be two weeks with her, then vacations and then back with her forever, at least that was my plan. You guess it, that was mistake No. 4.

Now, to mistakes No. 5 and No. 6. The first day after I got to Philadelphia, Alicia told me that we had no future together, no chance at all. Despite that, the following days were like heaven, the best time of our messed up relationship. It was perfect until the day I took the plane for my vacation in Europe. Maybe that is not quite accurate. The day everything went to the drain was one morning while I was in Europe when I checked into my e-mail and a saw a message from Alicia saying that she was seeing a guy - and had been for several weeks, Silly me, I booked the first plane back to Philly and messed up all my plans in Europe. In reality, she was not seeing anyone, she was just jealous. At that point I was not really mad at her, I just was relieved that all the mess was behind and we could start a new happy life.

After all that, one day, not too long ago, Alicia turned to me and said she was tired of trying and just wanted to move on. Do you know what my final mistake was -- according to her? I wanted her to say she loved me and not just enjoyed her company. Is something wrong about asking for commitment? I'm really that wrong? Apparently, I am because we broke up.

Anyway, I love Philadelphia and I just want to start working as a cook as soon as I can. And no more relationships for a long time. I hope.