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Milton Street Is Back!

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Excuse me, while I bow my head and say a prayer of thanksgiving to St. Contentius, the patron saint of columnists and bloggers.

Just when 2011 was threatening to become a deadly dull political year, and it looked as if Mayor Nutter would waltz to re-election without opposition, along comes someone to challenge the mayor.Milton Street.jpg

Milton Street.

It has to be divine intervention.

Here I thought Milton was still in jail, serving time for federal tax evasion, but he's out and he's aflame with a new mission: to be Philadelphia's next mayor.

"I'm writing the last chapter of my life," Street told Brian Hickey of the Metro in announcing his candidacy in the Democratic primary. "God gives us all a purpose. Mine is to represent poor people, forgotten people. I was sent to prison to regroup, refocus, and come out to do this.

I thought it was the U.S. Attorney's office that sent Milton to prison. It turns out it was God.

Regardless, it certainly answers my prayers. No dull-as-dishwater candidate debates, no covering the growing herds of City Council wannabes.  The Clown Prince of Philadelphia politics is back ready for another turn in the limelight. Halleluiah!

There are some obstacles in his path. He must get enough signatures to appear on the ballot.  Not to worry, Milton plans to get 5,000 just to be save.

And, since he was convicted of a crime, he probably is ineligible to hold elected office due to Article II, Section 7 of the state Constitution, which says -- and I quote -- "No person hereafter convicted of embezzlement of public moneys, bribery, perjury or other infamous crime, shall be eligible to the General Assembly, or capable of holding any office of trust or profit in this Commonwealth."

Darn that thing.

But, what is the Constitution among friends? Is tax evasion an "infamous crime" or is it, say, like a traffic ticket -- only they put you in prison for two years? The courts will decide.

At any rate, Milton says he is going to run a positive campaign and without any personal name calling, not even against Nutter, whom he considers a no-good SOB.

Besides, Street told the Metro, Nutter has no shot in debating him because "I'm pregnant with information and I'm prepared to dispense it..."

I wonder, will be it vaginal or Caesarean?

With time to think, Milton has emerged from his period of incarceration with a slew of good ideas.  Some examples: One, Fire Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey because he's from out of town. Two, hire up to 3,000 ex-offenders as "crime stoppers patrolling their communities." Who better to stop crime than the people who committed them in the first place? 

By the way, I am not making any of this up. I swear.

 

-- Tom Ferrick 

 

 

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