By Robin Jessie Green
Apparently, I'm behind the times. I simply do not know how to play the dating game. I'm considered corny because I care. And unfortunately, my peers are not those of my age group. My mindset is closer to that of a single 45-year-old than a single 35-year-old Philadelphian, which stinks because I'm only 32.
Things are looking bleak on the dating seen for me. I've been separated for more than a year and had been seeing someone from my past that I've never managed to get over. I'm not looking for a live-in partner, another husband or a replacement Daddy for my kids. I just want to enjoy life with him in it. Problem is, he wants to enjoy his life with me, and a bunch of others like me.
Considering his honesty about his serial dating approach to relationships, I figured if I can't beat 'em I might as well join 'em. Unfortunately, I haven't been quite as successful. Men my age, are not interested in getting to know me beyond what is indicated on my Facebook profile page.
My best girlfriend and a very close male friend of mine have both told me that it's the way things are done now. You don't tell your complicated life story. You don't share much more than the bullet points a simple Google search will reveal about you. You go by surface alone. No one is looking for The One. No one is thinking of taking you home to meet his mama when he's watching you walk by in your skinny jeans. No one wants anything serious.
Well, neither do I. I'm looking for a new like-interest. I want to go out and have fun. I want to laugh, dance and drink socially. But does that mean I should have sex with you before knowing if you have any siblings? If you have any pets? Or your bestfriend's name?
When did getting basic background information about someone, from some place other than a website, become too much to ask? Is getting to know a little about the person who wants to be your next sexual partner really that complicated?
On average, 1 to 3 days is how long it takes a man to suggest some type of specific sexual activity with me. This does not include lengthy conversations about much of anything else, might I add. I learn very little about who they are and they avoid my attempts at sharing snippets of my story, but are all pretty eager to get in bed.
I toned down my make-up a long time ago. I use natural tints and gloss. I pin up my hair so it won't be as much of a distraction. I don't wear form-fitting tops. I play up my best physical attributes. And ultimately, I try to carry myself with a sense of pride. I'm far from a prude, and I love my sexy. The thing is, I don't want to lead with my sexy or for that to be the main focus.
Recently, two days into "talkin" to someone new, a specific form of sexual activity was stated as an interest. I asked the gentleman (and I use that term loosely) what were his other interests? Any hobbies? He answered, "I like to keep things simple." This was after several attempts to redirect the his texting conversations from sexting to something more substantial.
Sex is simple. Nonsexual interests and hobbies-- complex. Got it. Next!
Another suggested his home as the meeting ground. Ordinarily, I would have been apprehensive but since he was a friend of a friend's friend, I found some comfort in taking up the offer. His suggestion was innocent because he didn't have a sitter. Single dad. Awww, he gets brownie points. Uh uh.
His living room had no television. Its sole purpose was for intellectual conversation, which consisted of talks about how sexy my lips are and how my long, wavy locks make me look exotic. Sigh...
Next, there's the landscaper with the crappy attitude whose crappy first impression was crappily lasting. I was tempted to leave the money for his services on my step and close the door. He tried redeeming himself by reaching out on that famous online social network. I just couldn't get passed his moodiness. I loved his work, but wouldn't let him pluck a weed from my yard let alone trim any other bush. And of course, once again, sexual attraction was implied way too early.
And then there's the oldest of the four men I thought were potential new like-interests. This new like-interest is a 35-year-old "stunna", who delicately phrased his desires of "love making" and "tasting" of particular body parts. He wasn't as raunchy as some of the others, but he too began sexting quite early.
All four men suggested taking me out. The sex talk occurred before the dates could. I wasn't receptive and possibly gave the impression that I am frigid or nonsexual. Little do they know, my smoking looks match my libido. The things they picked up on, fantasized about, and found that I naturally exude--don't quite compare to my desire, drive and ability in the boudoir. But the way I tick doesn't seem to be what's common among women my age these days.
Seduce my mind and my body will follow. But most importantly, I still care to know...